A Little Bit Of Everything

Maybe if I wrote over and over again “I will not worry”, maybe it would actually sink in and work.

If I could get a tattoo, 

it would be of the stars

and you.

A glimpse in the new direction

with happiness a new.

Happiness is just a game we try to play at.

And once again, this weekend was a reminder.

So there is this cool workshop today. I didn’t go. Maybe because I am in a funk. Maybe because I am realizing that this double major isn’t working.

Why go to a workshop if I am not going to be an actor in the future? How could I be so dumb to think I could do theatre on the side with graduate school for my csd master? I can barely handle my undergraduate classes for csd.

So what am I good at? No, really because I know the chances of me becoming an actress are slim and the chances of me being a great SLP are too.

I just feel like I can’t accomplish this dream that I made for myself.

I should have gone to that workshop to get experience at least but I think this mood just would have killed it. Or maybe it would have given me the hope I needed. Too late really.

But I need to start taking advantage of the things around me. Thank goodness Skip bought me a ticket for tonight. He was looking out for me. Maybe watching a performance will remind me of how much I want to do that.

Because I keep thinking of directing “Big River” with kids with hearing problems. I want to use theatre with children who have speech, hearing, language problems. That’s how I want to still be involved with theatre. Or be an SLP for actors and actresses. Who knows?

I just need to be more sure of myself but it’s hard when I feel anxiety weighting down on me. Especially when I don’t know who to talk to about this because who is going to make me like I can do this? I feel like anyone who I talked to about this says to give up my theatre major and maybe I am starting to believe them.

Every time I have serious conversations, for some reason that I don’t know, I always end up almost crying — legit on the verge of tears. 

WTF? 

It is just weird. Why does that happen?

Am I just so frustrated that I react that way emotional?

If that is what it is, then f that. I don’t like. Or maybe it is because I feel like I am losing the conversation or not changing the person’s mind. I don’t know.

I feel like I am going downhill. 

Might as well get the mining gear. 

I feel like I am losing you and it scares me. 

Okay, so I started to video tape my so called youtube videos and I don’t feel like they are funny…at all.

Should I continue this idea or abandon ship?

There is nothing more I want to do right now except cry.

Anonymous asked: 3!

Brittany, Ali, Paula, Sami